just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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