I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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