We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
It's never too late to be topless.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
