If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
it was like eating out sand paper
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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