what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
so much tequila, so little girl.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
