The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
