i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
