You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
