Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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