you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
