my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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