I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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