he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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