i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
