Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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