You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
