I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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