theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
No subtext here. People are naked.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
