My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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