Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
