he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
