I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
