You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
