I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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