he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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