halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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