I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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