Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
