He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
