she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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