i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
