My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
