I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
