so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
