Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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