take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Operation Purity has been aborted
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Randomize
