You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
