You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
