nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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