Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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