Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
