i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
