My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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