Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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