why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
