Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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