So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
