the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
