Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
