When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
BRING THE BAGELS
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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