wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
