the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
what is it with giant penises always finding me
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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