everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
