Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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