sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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