Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I am mentally ready for anal.
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