im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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