Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
