i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
