My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
