Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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