i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
