i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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