we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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