A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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