Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
