shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
