just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
