Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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