Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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