I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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