can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
