On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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