For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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